At the end of the year, the earth turns, it turns back towards summer, but summer is still a long way away, funny how that is, the days grow longer, but the nights grow colder still.
My life is like the orbit of the earth in that, after I make the choice to turn by making changes, but my life continues to hurtle through space, and like this earth, it is slow going, and as change make positive things happen, it gets bleaker and colder before finally the cumulative effect of the changes I’ve made take hold and summer returns.
In the new year I’ve resolved to let go of things that I hold tightly. Looking back, 2015 has been a year of letting go, I let go of my marriage, I let go of my grief for my son, I let go of his ashes. In 2016 I need to let go of my house, I need to let go of my guilt, I need to let go of my fear.
Fear of change is the most insidious, I think it is not unique to me, it is inate in us all, it is why I have stayed in a bad job, or why I live in a house that I should have left long ago. I am tired of fearing change. I want to embrace it and welcome change.
My friend has encouraged me to write down the things that I want to let go on a piece of paper then a light it on fire to let it go out to the world. I like that idea, the decision to write them down, to the idea of committing to letting go and then burning them up, sending them up in smoke, gone forever.
So long house, so long guilt, so long fear, I’m letting you go.