I’m addicted to tears

When I travel and I’m away from home and responsibility, I like to drink and cry.

There is a release in the emotion of crying.

I surf the tv for a sad or inspirational movie. Pour myself a drink or four and wait.

Some recent tear jerkers have been…”we were solders” a Vietnam war epic and “the help”. Both brought tears to my eyes.

A welcome release. Having lost my middle son to a car crash, I lived intense grief for years, when the grief subsides there is still the hole left by the loss of your body and soul embodied in flesh, a child. That hole needs filling.

I have filled that hole with a familiar sadness. I can’t indulge myself in that sadness every waking hour, I have people and family that depend on me.

So I save it up and spend my grief in short bursts.

I have found that solitary alone times are best to indulge my need for release, to bleed my soul, a spiritual phlebotomist, pouring out the pressure built within.

A good sad movie, a hotel room and a fifth of vodka.

Release in tears, the movie is just the catalyst, the body wracking sobs the cure. Tomorrow is a new day. Day one.

©The Autobiography of Mr. Perfect, 2013, written entirely on my iPhone.


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9 Responses to Therapy

  1. rougedmount says:

    not “liked” but read and acknowledged. i am so sorry…i understand the need to grieve alone as well as the necessity of sharing your grief with others. i can not imagine your world…my mind can not let me go there.

  2. Kayla Lords says:

    ((HUGS)) You worry me, you know. That being said, I’d rather short bursts of grief for you than constant agony.

  3. I, too, rarely cry except for at movies – but then I cry at a LOT of movies. Ever seen Taking Chance with Kevin Bacon? That one set a nine-Kleenex record for me.

    There’s a lot of beauty in this post – I hope you’ve found that much in your pain. And I’m glad to see you’re reaching out with it. Can I humbly suggest you reach out to someone face to face? Not in spite of the fact that people depend on you, but because of it. You gotta stay strong to take care of them, but you gotta reach out to stay strong. And you know what they say – never drink alone.

    Good to have you back. It’s been awhile.

    • rlherb says:

      Hey thank you I know it’s been a long time, but I have a hard time writing from prompts, instead I wait until you have a prompt that matches what Ive recently written. Thank you for your comments, I value your input. Oh, and I never drink alone, I have all those voices in my head to keep me company. 😉

  4. Carrie says:

    Very emotional piece. I hope you can find something the help alleviate the grief in time.

    I always sob at movies and commercials too. Not because I am storing up my grief but because I am a HUGE sap when it comes to sad movies 😉

    • rlherb says:

      Thank you, it’s okay, grief is part of life. I’ve found this is a good way to relieve the tension that builds over time. Writing also helps me release it to the ether.


  5. Pingback: Inspiration Monday: it came in waves | bekindrewrite

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