My first pet as adult was a cat.
Bert, he was a manly cat.
I’m not a cat person, but my wife was, and every young man does what ever Beautiful Pussy demands, as if our life depends on it, and truly, it does.
So I got Beautiful Pussy a cat, Bert, who was a magnificent grey tabby, who grew to almost 20 lbs, which you who are cat people will say, ‘wow, fucking…WOW!!!’ That’s a big cat. And he was.
I taught him to fetch. A little fuzzy ball, he would run after it pick it up and bring it back for me to throw it again. This didn’t sit well with my Beautiful Pussy, she wanted a girly cat, so I bought her another cat, an orange tabby that was female.
Again you cat people will say ‘wow, fucking WOW! A female orange tabby? Those are rare’ Who knew. This female was the perfect cat for my Beautiful Pussy, she was properly disdainful of me and all males. Perfect.
This would set a president for all future pets, females to the last one and all completely disdainful of me.
Like Beautiful Pussy they didn’t ever do what I commanded, instead I had to sweet talk and beg.
Bert was on my side, he disdained what could never. He disdained Beautiful Pussy on my behalf. He was a great and magnificent cat, and on my first born’s 9th birthday he died of cancer, puking blood, he passed on leaving me and my young son devastated. I remembered his early exit from my life as I watched my dad dying of cancer. He was magnificent too and also much stronger, in that he, like Bert, was disdainful of his own version of Beautiful Pussy, my Mom; though like me, he was powerless against his daughter in law.
Fast forward to now…
My current pet is a dog, man’s best friend. A male dog, my first, not my first dog, but my first male dog. He is a tiny doglet. But a manly doglet. Loyal to the end.
Until the pet gods smiled down in me I had a string of 4 female dogs all disdainful. All good dogs, but disdainful and willful, like Beautiful Pussy. Then a miracle happened, our dog had puppies, one being a cute little man dog that we called Sancho.
Totally manly, though he is not disdainful of Beautiful Pussy, he is a slave like me, but he is loyal and takes command unquestioningly. Good Boy.
Now you dog and cat people out there, you’ll say that female pets are not like that and you will have all kinds of experience to counter this story, but that would be missing the point, this story is not really about dogs or cats, instead its about Beautiful Pussy, which is really man’s best friend, if he can only just get her to come.
Here kitty kitty….
©The Autobiography of Mr. Perfect, 2012, written entirely on my iPhone.